Once upon a time … and they rode off on his white horse into the sunset ….. and lived happily ever after!

We are all brought up on fairy tales - every one loves a 'rom com'… however may be Eastenders is the more realistic view and even may be healthier to teach growing adults all is not a bed of roses and life really is like a box of chocolates!

'Shrek' is a much better example of a realistic fairy tale - she doesn't turn into a beautiful princess and their troubles almost start after they are married! The soaps in general thrive on disaster and quite happily kill off favourite characters.

Life is hard, living it is harder. However with the right person by your side and in your life helps you enjoy and appreciate what you've got. Finding that person is the hard thing and if you have, never take it for granted.

There are no guarantees whether it be two weeks, two months, two years or twenty and we have to learn and accept that that is life, death is the only surety - age old saying I know!! People grow, people change and even when you think you know someone outside influences beyond your imagining or control can wipe that away!

Should we marry for life? People can change too much and not together, if you have and are still in the same hemisphere, you are envied and a rarity!

How could Padme Amidala know that Anakin Skywalker would turn into Darth Vader?

When it turns sour, but is worth fighting for, go the whole hog!

If the cement keeps cracking the decisions are hard!

The future is scary and unknown but when a door shuts, there is always another opening!

You 'find' each other in the most unsuspected places, when you least expect it and some of the most unlikely unsuited people get together and sparks fly. People of different ages, cultures and outlooks discover each other and sometimes it just 'works'. Chemistry is a funny thing and sometimes there is no rhyme or reason to why it reacts or why it dies out!

Do you take a chance on someone and ignore the real possibility of getting hurt or walk away 'in case' ?

Once bitten twice shy?

Or jump in with both feet!

What kind of life would you have if you never took those chances?

What emotion and experiences, let alone the happiness would you miss out on?

Isn't that what living is all about?

Is there any point in life if you don't experience everything it has to offer and learn from it?

As human beings most of us trust that the highs will outweigh the lows, how would we continue if we didn't believe that? At the the end of the day who knows which bus will run you over on which road? Could be one that hasn't been built yet or one that will miss you by a breath!

Realising that you are responsible for someone else's heart is a very serious undertaking, is that something we only understand with experience? Trusting someone to look after it is a very big gamble.

If you are brave enough to throw your heart at someone make sure they are a good enough catch and pray they care enough not to drop it!

(I caught some shoes a while back and Im hanging on to them! :) )

Now before you all start on me for saying this read on….Ive been a member of 4N for three years now and for almost the whole time part of the team at Loughton and Waltham Abbey and for a while both at the same time. Im now AL for WA and Harlow.

In the last few weeks Ive heard a lot of comments and moaning about lack of work and lack of referrals through 4Networking. 

With the opportunity of the special 200 days for £200 the debate has come to a head for many people! 

Speaking to many the main reason for non renewal is the lack of business being acquired!

However may be its our general 'relaxed' attitude that 4N actually promotes that has a direct cause!

Other competitive networking groups have the referral system that you either love or hate, but honestly it does bring in business on some scale. Their visitors days and their expectations seem to pay off in keeping their groups full and profitable. Its the teamwork and the incentives which may put other people off but are we at other networking groups failing because of those very things?

We attend our meetings - passport around the country and enjoy the friendly relaxed atmosphere that 4N is famous for.

However, after we finish our coffee and depart is there any thought of referring that guy from our no 1 121, or promoting our home group to the business colleague/supplier round the corner?

The Teams for each meeting are in place to build and run the meetings. If doing their roles to the letter there should be at least 2 new visitors at each meeting and over 18 Passporters. Some groups are always full and some always have new visitors but many are struggling and teams are despondent. 

Its very easy to drop a group because there was only 14 business around the table or no new visitors to 'sell' to, but before moaning think how you have promoted 4N recently to your associates.

If everyone 'found a friend' every so often think how wide an audience and how much new blood we would have circulating the groups.

Also how much work have you passed out to fellow 4N'ers? Can you expect to be given work if you don't 'give' yourself?

Ok we don't give to receive but are we expecting others to 'give' first?

In two weeks time we have a 4Sight at Waltham Abbey on this particular theme and  a few of you reading this may have already heard it, without ruining it for those who haven't its apt, its thought provoking and its true! 

http://www.4networking.biz/Events/Details/26132

Think about how you network, we don't hard sell but at the moment I think many of us are socialising more than networking then moaning.

Take a more active view, think how you can promote those in your group with services you use and you may find they promote you. Selling through the room into your living room and your life may just be the answer and the spur we all need.

Valentines Day today, so its obvious that Red Roses are on the agenda, but what if the florist delivers 'orangey' red or 'pinky' red, not true RED

How much trouble could you be in!

Same with producing your own literature, with such a range of hues to choose from, adding colour to a leaflet or poster can be a long job!  So when you have decided and tweaked your chosen shade of red on screen, you suddenly find it changes when converted to your web page or when printed becomes a muddy shade of pink!

What has gone wrong?

Probable cause, the wrong colour definition for the wrong media!

In simpler terms you have used the wrong colour reference in the wrong place.

Below is a simple explanation and suggested place to use them…. 

'CMYK' is the most common colour model for Four Colour printing. The use of Cyan, Magenta, Yellow and Black ink can create almost any colour imaginable and prints high quality photographic or graphic images. This is called a 'subtractive" process which can explained as the more ink added the darker the image becomes, ie white paper is the base and ink is added in order of Cyan, Magenta, Yellow and finally black so darkening the final result.

Resulting colours are made up from  a percentage of each of the four colours

Files for four colour printing should always be submitted in CMYK

'RGB', the process all screens use to create visual colour. Red, Green, and Blue are the colours of light, that when combined together create the spectrum of colours based on what the human eye can perceive. All colours are represented by a combination of numbers each ranging between 0 and 255.

The method here is 'Additive', which originates with no light (255) as in a black screen and as light is introduced the colours brighten until all three lights are brought together and create white light (0)!

RGB is also used in photography and scanning and is device dependant which means depending on the quality of the equipment RGB values can change slightly.

Don't send files to your printer in RGB, your results will not be as you hope or you may incur costs from the printer for amending the files.

TIP: When working in Photoshop on photographic/illustrative files work in RGB and convert when finished to CMYK. 

Colours for the web, are usually specified using RGB which are converted to the 'Hexadecimal' model which is more HTML friendly. All codes begin with a '#'. 

At one time there were only 256 basic web safe colours but now with 16 and 24 bit (Truecolour) web safe colours are now almost practically forgotten. However problems do occur with inconsistency. 

Specify colours using 'Hex" for your web designer - he will love you!

Pantone Colour Matching System is a standardised system to ensure once a colour is specified it has a universal code to ensure perfect matching in print. It uses 'special' colours that are supplied or mixed using 13 base pigments (15 including black and white). Most Pantone colours are beyond the CMYK capabilities and although today conversions exist for all pantone colours the CMYK equivalent can vary considerably. There are specifications for printing each colour on uncoated and coated paper. Pantone also supply fluorescents and metallic colours. When using a special or 'spot' colour it can be alone or alongside the standard CMYK print process.

TIP: If you are printing just two solid or tinted colours (ie using two 'special' inks) the cost of printing on a 2 colour machine can be cheaper than running it as a Four-Colour print job, but check with your printer - and files have to be set up using the actual spot colours.

So to make sure that the florist delivers the correct shade of red roses! P185, 0C 100M 100Y 0K , R255G0B0, #ff0000, and you should be fine!

Happy Valentines Day!

If you continue to get surprising results try calibrating your screen see these links for info….  http://windows.microsoft.com/en-GB/windows7/Calibrate-your-display 

http://www.northlight-images.co.uk/viewing.html

Five years ago this month I was undergoing major surgery in the Royal London Hospital. I cant believe it was that long ago and all that has happened since - Life!!

Just under a year before, after hurting my back, I went to the doctors, while I was there complained how tired and exhausted I was. Thought maybe I was anaemic. Three days after a blood test, I was recalled to the surgery urgently.

My blood sugar was very low, too low to be normal. We discussed my history and various symptoms that I had thought was 'me' and the problems I had if I didn't eat. I would become light headed shaky and couldn't speak properly, my sight would be distorted, I suffered from migraines regularly and would also have intense feelings of exhaustion and suffer cold sweats after exercise and during the night.

My doctor had studied at St Barts and especially Endocrinology - her suspicions were confirmed when I underwent a 72hr fasting test at Barts. I had an Insulinoma, an insulin secreting tumour in the pancreas. This overrides the pancreas and continues to produce insulin constantly which in turn removes and reduces blood sugar levels.  The opposite of Diabetes.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Insulinoma

I had been monitoring my blood sugar levels and they had fluctuated between 2 and 4 if I was lucky… normal blood sugar levels should be around 4 - 6. If you fall to 1 you are likely to be in a coma! Eating didn't really make any difference for very long.

The fast was stopped when I hit 1.9 and 1.6. 

 Its not just about sugar levels dropping. During the test my blood sugar went back up, this can happen when your body sugar drops dramatically and the liver kicks in to produce glucose literally staving off starvation and acts to keep the brain functioning - only a temporary source. The fasting test is not conclusive,  calcium and c-peptides have to be checked and there are still other possible causes other than Insulinoma.

The fasting test indications led on to an MRI and CAT scan, followed by a Calcium infusion test. At this point the tumour had been found in the head of my pancreas about 1.5 cm in size. To be as sure as they could the calcium infusion procedure pumps calcium through wires in the main veins at junction points near the liver, kidneys and pancreas. Calcium stimulates production of insulin, so flooding the area with calcium and measuring blood sugar levels indicates areas that react, and in turn confirms where the tumour is located.

Usually the tumour forms in the pancreas itself but there can also be rogue tumours in other areas of the body, which can be extremely hard to find. At this point they do a whole body infusion not just in the liver and pancreas area. 

I watched the whole procedure on screen and it was fascinating!

It was confirmed and I was booked in with a surgeon, they put me on diazoxide which was supposed to help maintain my sugar levels but to be honest all it did was to bloat me and then I had to take diuretics to stop the swelling and water retention, it was worse than the lows!

Before being booked in for surgery, I had to have an endoscopy to take pictures from inside! The surgeon wanted as much info as possible. The conclusion was, I was probably going to end up with a 'Whipple' - now I was scared!

This entails removal of the head of the pancreas, part of the stomach, bile duct, gall bladder and part of the duodenum, then joining up all the bits that are left!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pancreaticoduodenectomy

The surgeon described it as 'a bit more plumbing'! I didn't like this idea!

Up until now I had been staggered that I was so ill, couldn't get my head around it all. It was classified as 'life threatening'. Only 1 in 250 000 people suffer from this kind of tumour and yes, Id got in there! 

Low blood sugar effects brain functions among the most important things and causes you to lapse into a coma. Diabetics know all about 'hypos' and maintaining their levels, this was the same but could not be controlled as with additional insulin - it was out of control.

The next few months were very hard, waiting for the operation, I was terrified of the surgery and not waking up!  A very good friend - who had almost died a few years previous - comforted me with the thought that I wouldn't know anything about it so why worry!  Strangely it did comfort!

The operation was 8 hours long, I had several complications straight after surgery and throughout my recovery, but i didn't have to have the whipple! I lost my gall bladder - and only found out 6 weeks later at my out patients appointment! 

Within hours of the op my blood sugar levels were normal.

Having to have check ups every year keeps me confident and I watch my blood levels every now and again if I feel a bit low. The danger is, as with any tumour, they can come back.

I had had this tumour for around 10 years and may be because it was slow growing my body had got used to existing on low sugar levels. When I upped my exercise, started swimming every day, my body couldn't cope. My hair and nails suffered, I couldn't read without the words jumping around on the page and the night sweats were dreadful. It would have eventually become more pronounced as the tumour grew but this brought it to the fore.

I haven't had a migraine for 5 years, my weight has stabilised (weight tends to increase because of the need to eat to maintain blood sugar)  I can miss a meal with no problem now. I can exercise without lapsing into exhaustion  - almost! …and the light headedness, well may be that was normal?

A few thank you's…..

Dr Newman, Rydal Practice Woodford Green
Prof Drake, Barts
Mr Bhattacharya, Royal London
Katy, Lesley, oh did we laugh that first night in the ward, I will never forget the pain you put me though! and for all the time you spent up there with me!
Anna for everything during those two weeks… and after.
All my visitors
Nicki, I remember those weeks so well and wish you were still here to laugh about it!
Jon Mikel Inarritu for the Insulinoma site...

http://www.unboundedmedicine.com/2006/01/15/insulinoma-whipple-triad-surgery/

And of course everyone else who knows me.............!!

The Houses of Westminster will soon be surrounded by a white picket fence, petunias and roses around the gate. 

The Parliamentary logo, a portcullis, has recently been criticised for supposedly being seen by the general public  'as a gate to keep them out'  …. It is used on stationery, chairs, stone and woodwork around Westminster, normal places that a company identity or branding would be used. However it is said to depict an intimidating and unwelcoming atmosphere to visitors! 

When, surely Parliament should be inviting and hospitable! 

It has been said that people need to see Parliament as 'theirs' and a sign has been suggested saying "Welcome to Parliament"!

Hold on a minute!  Surely this logo depicts protection, strength, security and stability, undeniably what a government should offer its people. Its history dates back to the era when there was a need of protection and the ruling classes needed to offer security and safety to their serfs. Country and Government needed to appear strong and in control and Parliament was not just a sight seeing tourist attraction but a very real force to be reckoned with!  Enter here at your peril! Beware we mean business - not 'come and have tea!'

Is this not the case now? Should we still not at least imply the Government is strong and secure? May be our whole political system has fallen into political correctness and absurd money wasting ventures because many believe we should have rose coloured windows! 

(My political beliefs are based on the fact that Guy Fawkes was right and we would all be far better off if he had succeeded in his endeavours, a shake up could have made all the difference! )

On the one hand, perhaps an 'axe and block' would not quite be the right image for the Tower of London but at the end of the day thats the reason people visit, to see the place where many lost their heads! (They can go to Westminster for that now as well!) The London Dungeons have a great turnover of tourists and that is grim! Who are we kidding - Westminster… not fluffy enough for tourists!!?

'Disney on Thames' was mentioned in the article and that's what we may end up with if these intellectual people keep spending huge amounts of money on ludicrous advisory councils….. (2012 Olympics logo, how much??? take my point!)

So in conclusion, will we be changing the three lions into three pussy cats because they may frighten the children?

Next  Election time, watch out for the prospective Prime Minister in the Tigger outfit, so voted because he's cute! (Could of course mean more voters turning out, but thats a chance we would have to take!!)

How far can it go? Just imagine Big Ben as a cuckoo clock?

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-16591085

Sometimes when networking we find ourselves having to act! 

We have to put on a mask for one reason or another, may be for self protection or just a slightly later than sensible night out.

So if we put ourselves in that situation and wear a different persona than usual are we also projecting a false demeanour? 

Therefore are we guilty of exactly what we are quick to criticise when faced with a networker or colleague who seems not quite as straight forward as they portray. Can we also be accused of 'following the crowd' and basing our opinions on other peoples views or gossip?

May be they are not quite what they seem for some reason or may be they are just having a 'bad' day!

The ethos of most successful networking meetings is built on MEET LIKE KNOW TRUST so this situation of a masked personality can undermine and delay the process.

First impressions are extremely important but may be we can be a bit quick to judge. How often have you said after getting to know someone that you were actually wrong about them and your opinion had changed because of something they did or said?

So being a little more open minded and less judgemental could make a considerable difference in the initial 'MEET', so leading on to the 'LIKE' process….

Take the time to form opinions and make sure they are your opinions not biased by others. 

Remember to take off your mask and you may be able to more clearly!

If you qualify as a Square peg, don't worry square holes do exist! 

You've heard the saying and if you find yourself in a situation as I did a few months ago you could be in danger of losing a stack confidence when there is no real cause!

Out of the blue I was asked to step in and help out in a design company, it was 9 am and I was settled for a day in front of my desk as usual. However I had known the caller for some time and am always keen to open new doors of opportunity and this had possibilities! 

They had been let down by a freelancer and their usual team were on holiday and suddenly hit by a flu bug. Several deadlines were imminent and they needed someone to step into the breach. Needless to say off I went…

All should have gone swimmingly - it was software Id been using for years on years, however they had a system I wasn't used to. Most computer users know the difference a mouse can make or the operating system being slightly alien! 

I became more nervous as the morning progressed. They were very friendly but took it for granted the way they worked. With a few stupid hiccups that I would never have made in the security of my own office I went into a downward spiral. Most people know that if you are being watched things never go smoothly, the printer never works or the paper gets jammed and you miss a correction or save it in the wrong place!

I felt like a fool! I just didn't 'fit'!

Its very easy for the 'regular' employees in any business to take their protocols and routines for granted without realising how dissimilar they can be. A logical system is essential but whose logic is it? Different working methods and procedures take time to become routine.

I dealt with it by asking for help and advice when needed and explained clearly any problems I encountered. Have the confidence of your convictions and rely on your knowledge and experience to carry you through.

Its like any first day in any company or new job, you feel like a fish out of water, floundering around!  

However that was my conclusion not theirs! I'd helped them out of a jam and all the deadlines were met.

Being a seasoned Temp or serial Freelancer do you thrive on the challenge or still have a 'wobbly' moment or three?! 

Any tips you can share or experiences would be very interesting, feel free to comment!

Once upon a time a tax return was due - it had missed a  paper deadline but that wasn't fashionable so it really didn't care. However due to  new technology it was to be filed 'on-line', new to this !! how cool!  it swaggered around thinking how much time and how non-urgent it was - all the figures were done so it couldn't be that hard!  Been on a Self Employed tax workshop too so what the hell - no sweat!

However time ticked on and it was forgotten again and again - moved from one shelf to another, found under reference books and lost under software! Suddenly it was christmas already, so there was no hope getting anywhere till at least 12th night when all the decorations were away!  Ok cutting it fine but there was 31 days in January!

So eventually under duress - or panic - on the 23rd excel documents were accessed and printed - receipts were found and sorted and the tax forms unearthed from the under the sofa. Logged on to HMRC - with registration in mind - EEEk who hadn't checked, who hadn't discovered it takes 7 - 7! days to register! So counting on fingers, that made it monday 31st!  What if the Post office failed? what if it snowed? what if there was a strike, what a wally!

So on tender hooks the week went by, and low and behold the post office delivered! 

Friday - ahh the weekend to do it then!! 3 days!… But where was the user id number - the one you only got once!? Where was the password? It had been scribbled hadn't it? Was it just trusted to memory? NOOOO! without the user id and the password the account had to be wiped and a new pin resent - another 7 days …. noooo ! deadline 1 day,  pin 7 noooo!  impossible! Panic set in….

Helpline - no help! 

Scattered paper checked and rechecked!, upturned bin, files refiled. Suddenly brain kicked in - Laptop…. screen save, yes! screen saved user number - all was not lost - password could be reset!

With reset password and used id ok all started to progress at last, valium had been avoided, stress levels skyhigh!

Figures input, calculations agreed, boxes ticked and pages printed and ….saved and filed!

Confirmation received.

Sigh……

The following day -  found, although missing in action - the password and user number together in black and white on the bottom of a pile invisible and overlooked!

Next year aiming for october! 

Bugger its october already!

There are 250,000 distinct words listed in the oxford english dictionary but no sensible exact number in the english language so why is it often impossible to find the right ones?

Sometimes the words we use don't express the nuances of the emotions and feelings we need to portray.

I've sat there with hundreds of words rushing backwards and forwards in my brain but not finding the right ones to use! Sometimes knowing how I feel but not being able to speak or knowing how to speak.

A few weeks ago my younger son, he is 12, and I fell out ! very unusual! I can be 'parentally' very stubborn but know it, so make a conscious effort to find a way to back down in a way I can, he is the same - I offered several olive branches but we got nowhere. 

Eventually and I cant remember how, we met in the middle and managed to talk about the issue.  While trying to discuss the problem I suddenly recognised a similar trait - he was struggling to find the words although I could tell he wanted to say something. It was me all over!  Eventually  I told him to say it no matter how it came out. 

We then talked about why he was unable to say how he felt. Afraid he didn't have the right to feel the way he did and that I had misjudged him and he felt unable to say how unfair he thought I was. It was agreed to use the phrase 'This may not be fair to say this but this is how you are making me feel…' The final result was that I had to agree to try and use this method myself in the future!

Allowing yourself the grace to feel the way you do is difficult sometimes and we all judge ourselves far too harshly. Feelings are feelings that's part of being human and all are so different.  Why do we beat ourselves up with 'I should or shouldn't be… feel…  have…. " There is no 'should' or 'shouldn't'  at the end of the day you 'do!' or 'did'!  Each person has every right to 'feel' the way they do, justified or not,  how they deal with it is another story.

Finding the right words can be hard for many reasons, not wishing to make a situation worse, trying to find a way to explain what is really meant or felt or not hurting the other person with truths - truths they don't want to hear.  Words that are 'said' are very often 'heard' in a different way.  How often do we sit and analyse a conversation afterwards? Tearing each phrase apart and try to dissect each interpretation. (Women are very good at that!) 

Is the English language too harsh? Blunt is hard to take and its much kinder to soften words but sometimes cold facts are needed. Agreeing to understand that the subtleties may not be there in a difficult conversation is actually quite an interesting achievement! Strangely that demonstrates immediately that at least the communication is open and being fairly judged. 

Speaking the right words is all very well but they have to be listened to and some people are better at it than others.

I wrote this blog and posted it several months ago and then removed it for personal reasons, however I think it has a message in that should be shared! So here it is again with a few amendments….

This is a very personal blog for all the women or men, come to that, out there who are either going through a divorce or thinking about it, stuck in a relationship that they are too scared to get out of for financial reasons. How do you cope? - How do you evaluate and accept the amount of money it costs to end a marriage and safeguard your future! I stayed in my marriage far longer than I probably should and even at the end panicked that I wouldn't be able to support myself and kids. This isn't a positive message Im afraid!

I've always freelanced since the kids were born and worked part time but only for "pocket money" as it wasn't essential. I  had the kids to take care of and fitted work in around school stuff. Then a few years ago I really began to realise that my marriage had been slowly falling apart and could possibly end.  Everything happened very fast, I never planned it to end the way it did or so quickly.

Shockingly only a month into the divorce proceedings I was served with a bill for almost £2000, whether I am naive or not I was shocked!(understatement!) I was told it would cost around £600 for the actual divorce and up to £10000, worst £12000 for the divorce settlement as he had asked for financial disclosure! I'm beginning to build my business successfully but we are all struggling at this time and I have a very small amount of savings.

How do you continue trying to safeguard your future and your kids to live in a reasonable environment when the solicitors costs seem astronomic! I can't see that I've come any distance to justify such costs already and although they seem to justify everything, we haven't even argued or contested anything as yet.

What happens when, not if, I run out of money to pay them ? What happens if there is no agreement and it goes to court? How do I sleep at night?

With another huge bill and very little to show for it except fundamental mistakes I moved Solicitors. It doesn't seem right that I ended up fighting MY solicitor instead of the divorce proceedings! Probably not the most cost effective solution but I could no longer deal with a company that was charging me for breathing! 

I am now in the situation which I must accept - to end my marriage and achieve the end result of a feasible standard of living - I must accept the costs of a legal representation, and hope the outcome makes it all worthwhile, at least I have more confidence in this team!

However it does bring up the question as to how long you argue and accumulate costs! I was speaking to a friend the other day whose divorce is on going after 10 years! Why?

Are there so many people with unfinished business still tied to a long dysfunctional marriage?

Are there people who just cant afford the fees to tie up the loose ends?

I can see how much easier it would be just to walk away! On my own, no problem, with the kids a different matter!

Isn't it sad that if we all had just enough money to live on most divorces would be easy and unemotional!  It just comes down to money in the end and that makes people bitter. It makes me laugh when you hear of those superstars arguing over  $9 million and which country estate they will keep!

Most of us don't have a choice, I need a house to live in, an income to exist on until I can support us, but paying the necessary legal costs means wasting time and money that could be used for my children and our life! A No-win-situation!

You get through! Accepting we are talking telephone numbers and try to sleep deeply!

I think its always the unknown, I think its the uncertainty of how to cope with it all. Im not scared of relying on myself - I thrive on that!  I'm relying and trying to concentrate on the fact I am and will be happier - 

My new address - second tent from the right, its the one with a generator for the mac!